“Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying”
When did you last see someone’s eyes glaze over when you were talking to them?
People misunderstand one another daily. Why? Because we are speaking different languages—and I’m not talking Spanish/English or another combo. We’re speaking different languages at a subterranean, subconscious, primal level.
In two recent blogs I wrote about the 3 things human beings crave (safety, belonging, mattering) as well as the power of speaking in meta programs. I’ve received sooooo many requests for more examples of actual communications that I am dedicating this blog to this crucial topic.
How to Give Someone Safety, Belonging, Mattering via Words
When we communicate and give someone what they crave the results are remarkable… and swift.
Gimme! How To Ask Someone To Give You What You Crave
Here are three examples when you want to get whatyou crave, instead of the above where we give others what they crave.
Safety: “I want to be the best [executive/leader/partner/etc] I can be. Could you help me create structures , techniques, processes to foster innovation, safe and sane risk taking, intellectual challenges? I think this could really help us grow and stretch.”
Belonging: “I want to be the best [executive/leader/partner/etc] I can be. Could you provide me with opportunities to bring people together, to form teams and help them perform at their peak? I would love to contribute this way.”
Mattering: “I want to be the best [executive/leader/partner/etc] I can be. Could you let me know when you’re happy with my work/contributions and what specifically you like? This will help me do more of what matters to you and the company.”
Safety + Belonging + Mattering = Trust.
When we give people what they crave their Critter brain calms down and we can guide them into their Smart State.
This is where true rapport, connection, alignment, enrollment, engagement live. Oh–and high performance, collaboration, sustainability is the result!
In my next blog I’ll cover the final 4 habits of highly effective communicators.