Finding stress-busters are one secret that health people know how to find.

Email. Texting. Voicemail. We’re constantly connecting with others, so why do so many people feel so disconnected–which is a key factor in excessive stress?

According to Dr. Edward Hallowell, an expert on anxiety and stress, there are twelve ways in which people need to connect in order to have full, rich, healthy, long lives. I had no idea how much more connected I could feel until I read his outstanding book, Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul. I learned more about connecting in that book than I have from any shrink or at any seminar.

Here’s his list 12 Stress-Busters of where we should all be connecting. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Family of Origin:
   Do I have strong bonds and clear communication with my parents, siblings, relatives? Do I connect with them regularly?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
2. Immediate Family:
   Do I treat them with love and respect?
   Are we emotionally close?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
3. Friends and Community:
   Do I see friends and neighbors on a regular basis?
   Do I share my life with them frequently?
   Do I make time to enjoy their company?
   Am I involved in community groups and projects?
   Do I identify with and support the community I live in?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
4. Work:
   Do I have emotional equity and a sense of mission at work?
   Do I share a connection with my co-workers and company?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
5. Beauty:
   Do I enjoy beauty regularly, do I appreciate it and pay attention to it and savor it?
   Do I take time to enjoy a favorite art form?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
6. History:
   Do I feel part of the history of humankind?
   Do I learn about it, feel the power of it, and cherish the history of my country, town, culture?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
7. Nature:
   Do I connect with nature on a weekly basis?
   Do I spend time outdoors or indoors caring for plants or appreciating nature?
   Do I have special places that are healing to me?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
8. Pets/Animals:
   Do I enjoy playing with and having a relationship with a pet?
   Do I value animals and enjoy seeing them, listening to them, interacting with them?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
9. Ideas and Information:
   Do I learn new things often?
   Am I interested in new ideas and perspectives?
   Am I getting the most out of my brain power?
   What are some ways I might increase connection?
10. Organizations and Institutions:
    Am I a member of any organizations?
    Do I contribute to their growth and welfare?
    What are some ways I might increase connection?
11. Greater Truth/Spirituality:
    Do I have a spiritual practice?
    Do I make time to read spiritual, uplifting books or listen to CDs or podcasts?
    Do I continue to seek meaning and truth in whatever way resonates with me?
    What are some ways I might increase connection?
12. Myself:
    Do I meditate, have quiet time alone, know what matters most to me and live according to it?
    Am I comfortable being who I am?
    What are some ways I might increase connection?

Years after reading Ned’s book I’ve maintained these connections, to varying degrees, in all 12 areas. And my life is richer and more fulfilling than it has ever been. Email? Texting? Voicemail? Helpful, yes. And now I use them to better connect with others.

How connected are you? How connected would you like to be?

Christine Comaford‘s latest NY Times bestselling book is entitled SmartTribes: How Teams Become Brilliant Together.